Today, not so much.

****

I feel the day unfolding outside my windows. Still in my pj's, blinds are still closed, heat still kept at bay, Lost in Translation just ended and my thoughts are trying to edge their way through like the light outside. Stuck in the silence that is lingering from my finished, morning movie and the space between now and me moving from this screen to put on some music, some noon soundtrack to start off my Sunday - I am just here- thinking and thinking and thinking. Such delicate thoughts. I have that feeling you get when you finally realize something that has been there all along - it's a monumental feeling that carries such a strong energy that is not necessarily displaced, but not being directed exactly where it should be. A feeling of urgency on one side to make it make sense and to figure out what you're gonna do about it now that you know, and on the other side there is a very dense fear that comes from realizing that of course you have known this all along and it's not that it was so hard to see, but that by denying it's existence, you've never had to gather up the balls to actually do anything about it.

So the only thing in the air between my day, this silence, these thoughts, and me opening the blinds and getting dressed - is the nagging question - So what now.

....

Nastucia just woke up, saw me on the computer, and put on forrest gump. She is now laying on the floor in her pj's in front of the tv with the blinds closed.

Round two. Happy holiday weekend.